“…when the fear strikes we push it forward, change its shape, alter its impact. We have it but we don’t let it have us. Coronavirus panic is natural, but if our fear is going to be there, we might as well put it to use and make it work for us.” -Rare liver disease sufferer Kendall Ciesemier quoted in a recent New York Times article.

I don’t need to say we live in scary times and that adequately coping with coronavirus is an ongoing challenge.  When my fears become a runaway train, I say to myself, “don’t go there.”  Sometimes that works but often it’s a weak antidote to all-consuming anxiety.  I searched the web for more substantial tools to help myself and others remain sane.  The quote above is from a chronically ill young woman who has earned a Ph.D., if there were such a thing, in dealing with fears of an uncertain future.

We healthy multitudes who aren’t accustomed to dealing with fears of possible impending illness might be stunned by the sheer chutzpah of Kendall’s approach to life.  At the tender age of 27, she has already given a TED talk, founded a nonprofit, and created a summit to empower young women.  Kendall doesn’t run from fear, instead befriending it; she calls it her “superpower.”  What a great way to think about fear: fear as an impetus to take positive action.

The Buddhist Way of Slowing the Worry Train

I am not a Buddhist but I appreciate the wisdom that has come from that tradition.  To a Buddhist, being a control freak is anathema.  By contrast, many of us westerners think that if we try to control everything, things will turn out just fine.  The reality is, though, that “just fine” continually eludes our grasp and we make ourselves (and everyone around us) miserable without guaranteeing a better result.

So what’s the Buddhist approach?  A taste of it can be found in this quote from the famous Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön: “The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have.”  Think about that.

In the current crisis, there’s a fine line between taking reasonable precautions and preparing for every possible situation that might arise.  Look at the empty supermarket shelves where bountiful rolls of toilet paper once stood.  While I realize the ridiculousness of hoarding tp, I confess I’ve somewhat given into the mob mentality.  I understand why we’re doing this and all our other logic-defying activities: to feel like we’re controlling something in the face of a looming monster we cannot control. 

My only advice to fellow control freaks is to fight your urges to overprepare for the future.  Last night, a friend told me he had bought a home hair trimming kit since he can’t go to his barber anymore.  I instantly thought, “maybe I should do that because they might run out of these on Amazon.”  Then I decided to do something radical…absolutely nothing.  If it comes to it, I’ll end up going full-on hippie or ask my wife to do a hatchet job on my hair with a standard pair of scissors.  So what?

Watch Two Comedies & Call Me in the Morning

So much has been written about the power of laughter in tough times that it’s hard to add anything new.  A good belly laugh helps us temporarily forget our worries and gives our inner control freak a time-out.  But maybe this benefit of laughter is new to you: laughter might help us prevent getting coronavirus or at least make our immune system better able to fight it if we do contract it.  Here’s what Mayo Clinic’s website has to say about the power of laughter:

Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.

Send in the clowns. ♪♪

How I’m Coping

My daily self-care routine is a still a work in progress incorporating both elements of my life pre-corona and new elements post-corona.  Like almost everyone, I’m not going to restaurants or live performances.  That’s certainly a bummer.  I still exercise, which is even more important to do now, and I value the chance to get out into nature since there are precious few other options for enjoyment outside my house.  Also, I need to meditate more.  I particularly like psychologist Chris Germer’s compassion-oriented meditations.  They’re free and his walking meditation is a great complement to a walk in the woods.

And then there’s the mental escape I take every night by going into our basement and watching comedy, action, or a documentary on this or that rock band.  I’m laying off the heavy, intense stuff for now as I get enough of that from reality.  Rather than click on Netflix or Amazon and seeing what shows and movies they suggest, I now first go online and research what I want to see.  Then I go right to that rather than endlessly scrolling through programming I could care less about.  No one’s going to give me a Nobel Prize for this “innovation” that you probably already do but this tiny newfound bit of control (of the good kind) makes me quite happy.

And lest you think I’m a total hermit, I also value reaching out to friends and family.

There are many more pieces of good advice out there.  This is a sample of what’s been most helpful for me.  Wishing you all the best in finding the coping tools that work for you.  Stay safe.